Getting a raw on “Going Raw”

I recently came across a list entitled “10 Reasons to consider going raw” (Found here) – something I’ve always found to be a curious title, as it invariably is taken to implicitly mean “Raw food Vegan” rather than just “Someone who prefers raw food” – as of course, some people like their meat raw.

These people ain’t my people – thank you, I like my meat cooked, and my salad a side dish – but that aside, it still strikes me as odd.

Also, as this is the first of what will probably be a long running series (if I can get my finger out and keep writing) I feel some explanation is needed.

First of all, I’m not against what I’m writing about, most of the time, and when I am, It’s pretty explicitly clear, because I’ll directly say so.

Second, What I am against is Bullshit. Crank claims, woo-woo, magical thinking and stupidity. And if you think you can Prove what your extraordinary claims, well, I have this man with an Extraordinary beard called James Randi who has a Million Tax free US dollars for you. No, I’m not kidding.  It started in 1968 with Randi offering $100 of his own money, and has been running continuously since then, growing all the time, with the current figure being in place since 1996. Over a thousand people have been tested, and every single one has failed. Records of both the tests and the million dollars are publicly available.

Third, I don’t pull punches. I speak plainly, clearly, and admittedly bluntly. You might get offended – frankly, that’s your problem, and not mine. I’m not here to coddle you, and pat you on the head telling you everything is alright. I’m just here to speak the truth as best I know it. Remember, I’m not speaking against you, and if I am, I’ll say so very plainly – you’ll know about it, in other words.

So, On with it.

10. Traditional doctors recommend eating at least 5 fruits and vegetables a day. You get that for breakfast!

Yes, They do. Lovely, You’ve started well, I’m proud. Though, you did make a small slip – “Traditional Doctors”.

I’m afraid you mean just “Doctors”, rather than “Traditional doctors” because when you bring it up to that broad designation, you have two categories to chose from – Doctor, and Not a Doctor. Excluding Non-medical doctors, obviously, as someone who holds a doctorate in Particle Physics or engineering is a Doctor, but isn’t really qualified to tell you about how you should be eating.

Most, if not all doctors recommend eating healthily – it’s just common sense.

Also, you’ve fallen into the trap of “More is better” – If one pill is good, then two pills must be better, etc.  No.  The reason that doctors recommend 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, as part of a healthy and balanced diet, that does not mean that eating more is naturally better.  It just doesn’t work that way, and in fact, there is a point where you cannot gain any more benefit from the amount of fruits and vegetables you eat, no matter how much more of them you cram down.  Your body can only intake so many vitamins and nutrients before the rest is either converted to fat and stored, or expelled from the body.

9. Getting on the scale is no longer a dreaded fear because you’re slimming down naturally and it feels like you’re not even trying.

You’re right, it wouldn’t feel like I’m trying. Because I’m not. I’m at a healthy weight, and if I lost much, I’d be heading into unhealthy territory called “Probable Malnutrition”. Also, the reason you’re slimming down is most likely – ignoring the possibility of proper exercise – because you’re not getting enough calories to support your body’s normal functions, and it is burning fat to try and keep going. After that, it starts destroying muscle. The Average man needs 2500 Calories a day to be considered as having a healthy energy intake, and the average woman, 2000 Calories.

8. You will get more attention in public walking around with a green smoothie in your hand than anything else you can think of.

Don’t attempt to appeal to my vanity, it’s insulting to the both of us. If you can’t come up with a real reason, shorten your damn list, don’t pad it with insulting appeals to vanity.

And anyway, if you think that walking around with a green smoothie in your hand gets you more public attention than anything else, try this helpful list of things that will get you more attention than having a green smoothie in your hand like every other Jamba-Juice lovin’ hipster this side of south california :

• A firearm.
• A Bloody Knife.
• A Sign that says “Free Hugs”
• Robert Pattinson

It is by no means complete, but frankly, if you’re not going to properly think out your responses and thus require massive lists, I’m not going to indulge you with anything more than a trivial effort.

7. Your energy levels received from organic fruits and vegetables are through the roof (no caffeine required).

Really? Because I’d like to see you prove it. Because what you receive energy from is your body converting the various Fats, proteins, carbohydrates etc in your food into energy. That’s essentially what calories are – Energy. The Calorie is a unit of energy. And to get your recommended daily intake of calories from a Raw Vegan Diet, you have to eat in a decidedly unhealthy manner, specifically, overeating to a serious degree. For example, one of the most calorific foods that is acceptable to a Raw Vegan Diet is Pecans, weighing in at about 690 calories per 100 Grams(or, 3.527 ounces).

I would list more, but I’m absolutely unable to find anything where you would be able to get your daily calorie intake without either eating a ludicrous amount of nuts, or eating far more than is safe or healthy – and certainly not anything that you could get your daily calorific intake from by eating in the portion sizes most Raw Food Vegans I know of eat.

6. You no longer have the desire to take a nap after lunch time so you are way more productive.

I already don’t have that desire, because I have an active lifestyle, and a healthy diet.

Also, Napping is by no means a bad thing – in fact, studies strongly suggest that taking a brief afternoon nap actually increases productivity.  Sorry about that, but if you don’t like being corrected on your silly claims, then maybe you should try not being wrong.

5. You can pronounce ALL the ingredients in everything you ate today.

I’m not a Raw Food Vegan, if you couldn’t tell already, and I can already do that, because I’m literate and well educated. Not being able to pronounce the ingredients in what you eat is not poor diet, it’s illiteracy or poor education, and unless vegetables can teach you how to read and speak correctly, I suggest you retract your claim.

4. People are drawn to your “glow” and are naturally attracted to you.

As I said before, your appeals to my vanity to pad out the list are frankly insulting. I’m not stupid, and I can see it coming a mile away.  Also, what is this “Glow”? Does a skeptic like me get this glow? Can it be measured? Or are you just making shit up, because you can’t come up with ten actual reasons to consider taking up a Raw Food Vegan Diet?

Yeah, I’m going to go with the last one.

3. You are less likely to get sick because your cells have ample nutrients to heal and fight infections

Really? Then why, when eating a Raw food Vegan diet, do you have to take special steps to ensure that you don’t become malnourished from lack of vitamins and nutrients?

If your diet is so packed with nutrients, why do, for example, both  Vegan Outreach and The Vegan Society, two of the largest Vegan Diet societies in the world, both recommend that you ensure to eat foods either artificially fortified with Vitamin B12, or take B12 supplements, to prevent anemia and Neurodegenerative disease?

Oh, I know! It’s because you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, and you’re an irresponsible fool who gives diet advice with no qualifications or education on the topic whatsoever.

Don’t you get it? By giving this poor advice, you’re not helping people, you are directly harming people, and you should feel absolutely ashamed and disgusted with yourself and your behavior.

2. Nothing died in order for you to eat today.

I’m sure the plants you’re eating would say entirely different, were they capable of speech. Also, Who the bloody hell gave you the right to decide the suffering of a plant is of lesser importance than the suffering of an animal? I don’t recall having a terrible diet being something that gave you an omniscient morality license.

And Animals died today anyway, despite you not eating them. Many of them animals that Nobody intended to eat, and nobody did eat. Welcome to reality.

You can carry on all you like about “Oh, but if we all did it, the meat industry would die, and then there would be nobody needing to eat meat, and we could all live in peace and happiness!” but you ignore some vital facts  – for example, a Raw food Vegan Diet is really, really not a good idea for kids. Will you deny a child breast milk, because remember you’re just an animal, the only difference being that we humans supposedly have culture? Or if a mother cannot give breast milk for one reason or another, are you going to deny that child milk-based formula, because it’s derived from an animal product, and thus, killing it?

And of course, Let’s not forget that by farming the vegetables and fruits that you eat on a Raw Food Vegan Diet, then the insects that live, feed, and breed on those plants are killed, usually poisoned with pesticide – yes, Organic food uses pesticide as well, the only difference is they use Organic rather than synthetic pesticide. So, things did die for you to eat today. Oops.

What about the Cattle farmers? They need to eat too, and you kill the meat industry, you take away their livelihood – and I’ll say this, every cattle farmer I know has worked a damn sight harder for their money to put food on the table than any Raw Food Vegan I’ve ever met, who invariably are inner city dwellers, with rather cushier jobs than busting your ass on a cattle farm.

Let me give you a harsh little view of the reality of life. Everything has to die at some point. You, me, your goldfish Mr bubbles, and everyone you have ever known and loved.  Every animal and plant on this planet will die eventually. It’s part of the constant cycle of death and birth that keeps the world from being nothing but a very quiet mudball.

Your Ancestors survived because they killed things, and then ate them. Their children survived because they killed things, cooked them and ate them, and so on, and so fourth, throughout the ages. You know what you would call a Vegan, until very recently on the scale of history? Dead. It is only the advent of what is, compared to those that came before, a pretty cushy bloody lifestyle, that vegan became a sustainable lifestyle, let alone Raw Food Vegan.

Face it, Millions of years of Evolution are against you on this point – You evolved as an omnivore, and are built to eat both plants and meat. It is literally only modern technology and development that means your lifestyle is not a painful death sentence. Remember that, before you espouse Vegan diets as being healthy, and modern life and diet being the cause of so many of our troubles and ailments.

1. You experience mental clarity and a rush of positive energy, which in turn you can release into the world, paying it forward.

Well, there’s a compelling reason to go Raw Food Vegan. I mean, with my Meat-animal-product-and-cooked-food clouded mind, I managed to rip apart your pretty, ill thought out list rather comprehensively – imagine what I could achieve if I went Raw Food Vegan!

What a Load of utter bullshit.

Provided you have a healthy caloric intake and nutrient intake – Which amusingly enough, without gross overeating, a Raw Food Vegan Diet doesn’t provide -  and provided you don’t take any drugs that impair it, then your mind is as clear as it’s going get in your own personal situation.

On top of that, Mental Clarity is entirely subjective. For example, My ex-fiance was taking Diazepam near the end of our relationship, and while she viewed her mental clarity as equal to or above average, she was in fact having short term memory problems, not thinking clearly by any measure, having severe mood swings and fits of rage, and wasn’t sleeping well, along with other negative effects on her mental stability.

Now, as for this “Rush of Positive energy” – Well, can you tell me, what is this positive energy? Can you measure it? Can it be stored? Is it observable? Is there any reliable evidence of it whatsoever? No, there isn’t, and you’re full of shit.

It’s just another new-agey woo-woo line. Positive energy? Yeah, that must be good! Look, it has “positive” right there in the name! No, no, no, no, no. This is not the way the world works.  Just because you chose not to consume animal products does not give you the power to break the laws of physics, because last time I checked, This isn’t a Scott Pilgrim Comic.

Look. Being Raw Food Vegan is a personal choice, and hey, if you want to have an incredibly poor diet, go for it, you are only harming yourself. But lists like the one I’ve torn apart just above are Irresponsible, dangerous, and at points, absolutely ludicrous. There is a fine line between making a personal choice, and directly harming other people, and this list crossed it.

That’s it from me for now. Expect more in the coming weeks, if you have more faith in my ability to write here regularly than I do.

And of course, don’t take my word for it – Examine, Investigate, and above all, think for yourself.

Now, I’m off to enjoy some more of my favorite vegetable: